What Sleep Training Is

Let’s Define Sleep Training

Sleep training is a behavioral intervention in how parents respond to their child’s crying to support their baby in falling asleep independently. Parents are changing their response and being consistent in this new response, as in creating new and loving boundaries around sleep, while also tuning into their child and what they need. The child can express any feelings they have to this change, and the parent(s) can validate their feelings about these changes.

For me, sleep training rooted in attachment is attuned and responsive. So parents are tuning into what their child needs and wants, and offering appropriate responses based on that, while still holding loving boundaries around sleeping independently if the child is capable at that time.

Sleep training methods vary in how responsive they are – from super hands on where the adult is with the child every step of the way (lots of co-regulation) to less hands on where the child has more space to self-regulate.

What About “Cry It Out”?

“Cry It Out” (CIO, also known as Extinction) is technically a sleep training method, yes, but it is not responsive, and not something I recommend to families I work with. I believe it is important, as a minimum, to check on the baby or child and ensure they are okay. If the little one gets more upset when someone checks on them, it is okay to give them some more space. That’s part of attunement, which, in my opinion, is the most critical part of changing sleep habits. But putting a baby down and ignoring them for 12 hours – that is not responsive sleep training and it is unlikely to meet a child’s needs. Being attuned (as in, listening to what the child needs and trying to meet their needs as best as possible), while holding new, loving boundaries around sleep – now that is appropriately responsive sleep training.

What Age Can You Sleep Train?

You can work on independent sleep skills at any age. Even newborns can be given the opportunity to practice falling asleep independently – although I wouldn’t push the consistency in those early weeks if they are having a hard time. Even an elementary-aged child can have the opportunity to change their sleep habits, like if they are used to a parent laying with them for them to all asleep and that no longer works for their family.